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My messy journey and struggle to living authentically (raw and unfiltered)

I turned 30 last year, my 20s have been full of twists and turns, deaths and rebirths. As I experience yet another rising from the ashes, I felt called to share my journey so far.

I hope this helps you - especially if you've been feeling lost recently, pulled in a million different directions, and if you were always a little different - not wanting what others want, and knowing deep inside that there's more to life and that you're meant for more.

This is how I'm navigating change, embracing fear, and fighting against conditioning to live authentically.

Living authentically

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I wish I could be satisfied with a common 9-5 job that pays the bills but I'm not.

I wish I was “normal” but I’m not. Ever since I’ve known myself I’ve been fighting against the system - many times unconsciously, as if I’m persistently pulled into a different direction. 

I wish I could fit int but I’ve never been able to. I’m wired differently, I work and feel differently, deeply, strongly.

It’s not a matter of survival to me, it’s about living as if my time here is expiring - because it is - and there’s so so much I still want to accomplish. 

Let me take you back to the beginning. I grew up in a family where I was pushed to be an overachiever. My parents wanted the best for me and so, to please them and because I didn’t really know myself enough, I went to University to study Business Management - I have both an undergrad degree and and Masters in Science in this subject.

Because I’m ambitious by nature, I convinced myself that I was going to study hard and one day became the CEO of a thriving multinational corporation, but as I progressed and the graduation date approached, all I could sense and smell was bullshit and I wanted nothing to do with it. 

Ok so what now? 

I went back to my childhood dream of becoming an actress and moved to London to do an acting course in a leading acting school. 

6-months in, I hated the process of auditioning, I felt lonely and alienated in a country and culture that were different from mine. My insecurities got the best of me and I went back to what felt safe - a job in the corporate world, a job I was actually trained for. 

I got an internship in a leading Beauty Conglomerate and was pulled straight into a Devil Wears Prada scenario, where team clicks were a thing and jealousy was rampant. 

Yep, a no from me. What's next?

I had always felt drawn towards volunteering and charity work so I decided to apply for jobs in the Third Sector. I mean, at least I was working for a cause…

I worked for the charity sector for about 4 years. On the side, I was teaching Yoga and being pushed to focus more and more on it (internally and externally by my Yoga mentors)

In 2020 I had a revelation - if I joined my dad’s consultancy business, I could have more freedom to pursue Yoga, to pursue my passions. 

That’s what I did. 

Yogaful Studio was “officially” born in 2021, and since then, I’ve been fighting against myself to turn my passion project into a successful business that provides for myself and my family financially.

I’ve failed every single time, and nothing has really worked.

I’m far from where I want be. Yogaful Studio doesn’t pay the bills as I had hoped. 

I’ve created courses and coaching programs, and I’ve changed the format of my classes and the timings hoping people would join but they never did.

(I’m not sharing this with your hoping for sympathy, but rather because too often we hide the darker aspects of ourselves and our lives and I can't keep mine hidden anymore.)

Yogaful Studio hasn’t brought me success, it has brought me something a million times more precious - freedom and authenticity.

You see, before, as I was setting it up, I was doing things based on what thought others wanted, what I thought “would sell”.

I wasn’t actually chasing after my passion, and what I was putting forward wasn’t fully heart-led or authentic. 

In the end, the purpose of Yogaful Studio wasn’t to bring me success and help me become financially sustainable.

The purpose of Yogaful Studio was to bring me back to my true essence and help me reclaim my power. 

And for that, I’m eternally grateful.

Now however, it’s time to let it go, and step into the next chapter, the next timeline of myself. 

Recently especially, the times have been turbulent. I’m confused - my thoughts are jumbled in my head and it’s hard to make sense of the path forward. 

I no longer want to keep going with Yogaful Studio. It’s not bringing me joy anymore. I’ve outgrown it, but I don’t have clarity on what’s next for me and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that this confusion is causing doubt and anxiety.

Because I’ve always thrown myself in head first. 

This time however, I’m waiting and trusting I’ll know when it’s time. 

It’s near, but it's not quite here yet.

So in the meantime, I'm trying not question myself and wondering if I’m in the right path.

It’s just been so difficult...I thought if something is meant for you, it’s supposed to be easy and effortless.

This time I'm being patient and giving myself grace for the time it takes to shed beliefs, conditioning and identities I no longer identify with.

I’ve tried the controlling and the micromanaging but it has only lead to burnout, self-sabotage and disappointment. 

I'm accepting that this is a complete change of paradigm for me, an entire new beginning - similar to the process of gestation and the birth of a baby - it takes time to form, to take shape and to finally be born

I have no plan B, just this yearning to help others and share my experience so they can also free themselves and take steps to live authentically.

For the first time in my life, I'm letting go of the reins of my life and leaning fully into faith.

I'm going within, asking myself what I want to do and taking it from there.

Let's see where this takes me

Hi, I'm Cat

I'm a multi passionate entrepreneur, lightworker, and classical Yoga teacher - I'm also a Manifesting Generator in case you had any doubts - I shine best when I'm pursuing my many passions, initiating change and challenging the rules. 

I'm a lifelong student of Yoga and passionate about alchemising the ancestral Wisdom of Yoga for deep rest, healing and transcendence. 

I help you overcome trauma and guide you back home to your Self through the practice of classical Yoga online. 

I believe in a World where Humans have evolved, broken free from conditioning, and live as the highest version of themselves, thriving thanks to the practice of authentic Yoga. This is what I'm here to achieve.

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